Monthly Archives: February 2013

52TO50…Hair…Hair …Everywhere Hair!

hairHey! Welcome to 52 weeks until I’m 50 years old! Actually it’s now 48 weeks! If you are new to my blog, below are other subjects I’ve pondered and written about. Some may resonate with you or at least give you a chuckle. If you are counting down with me, thank you and let me know how I’m doing!

Do you remember the show “Hair?” The tune that was sung so often…”She asks me why, I’m just a hairy guy, I’m hairy noon and night, hair that’s a fright, I’m hairy high and low, don’t ask me why, don’t know..It’s not for lack of bread, like the Greatful Dead!”

We all…both sexes… want shiny, thick beautiful hair. But let’s face it, we are starting to find the stuff in places we don’t want it! Yes, you know I’m right. The first time I saw hair growing out of my big toe, I remember thinking…this is soooo not sexy! And now the one in-between my eyebrows that is always just coming through my skin…that one…you know…that freaking bad boy hair that shows up in the same place and is too short to tweeze but you can still see the damn thing even with our over almost 50 eyes! When I see my face in the mirror in the car when the sun is shining, I believe I may actually be growing a beard and now I can even see the peach fuzz on my cheeks. One of my girlfriends fights with a hair that seems to reproduce daily out of her chin! I find myself cracking up initially and then having dialogue with myself about hair. I love having long, thick smooth hair on my head. I’m grateful that I have it there. But, come on, really, I don’t want to negotiate with it on other areas of my body that are just not supposed to have it! My male buddies share that their hair has just re-located from their head to their ears, nose, fingers and back. We start to laugh about all the places that hair has decided to call home these days.

What is the deal with this hair thing? Men and women both have more sprouting up then when we were younger! All these hormones flying around us between “menopause” and “manopause” are causing more vigorous hair growth particularly in the areas that we don’t desire! Some have even shaved their heads and feel liberated as they would never want the “comb-over!”

Body hair and me, we don’t like to share space. I decided to do the laser deal. I paid the doctor and began the five-week cycle of 10 minute per week removal rounds. This is when the weak are weeded out from the insane. Oh yeh. This is not for wussies. The doc neglected to share how truly painful specific areas of laser hair removal are. And, you sometimes have to expose yourself in a way some people can never get over! I manage to find a way to get over almost anything once I find humor in it. I did in this one. And, I became very close with my hair remover. There’s no way you can go that far and not have some kind of friendship. One of my other friends decided to go after I started. Yup. Her husband thanks me often. We use to text each other words of encouragement before our 10 minute sessions! She once told me she thought she heard me cursing from the office 10 miles away! Brutal, just brutal. But, I will say, and this is of course after pain killers and cortisone cream…how grateful I am that it’s over! Now if I see a hair anywhere that was once visited by the laser, I quietly say to it…”Hasta la vista mother follicle!”

Thanks again for visiting! I’m so glad you did! You can subscribe to be notified when I blog below by clicking, follow me on Twitter @GatorgirlPress or Twitter @Diningduchess, follow me on Facebook @RandiAileenPress or Facebook@DiningDuchess. Or if you’d like to write me directly, my email is randi@52TO50.com.

 

“Not Going To Sugar Coat This…”

deja poo

Hey! Welcome to 52 weeks until I’m 50 years old! Actually it’s now 49 weeks! If you are a newbie…scroll down to my original post and you will understand why I began this blog…If you are back for more…Yay! And thank you for hanging with me!

I love Alanis Morissette. She gets it! Isn’t life ironic? You know…You finally get your head together and then your body starts falling apart! I love the song and heard it the other day. The lyrics are so telling…”The traffic jam and you’re already late, a non-smoking sign on your cigarette break, there’s like 10,000 spoons when all you need is a knife. Or maybe…the free ride when you’ve already paid, It’s the good advice that you just didn’t take.  It started me thinking. I hear people using clichés all the time. I’d like to think I’m striving to be somewhat original about my own sayings. Who wrote these clichés? One day I actually responded to a text message in all clichés. It was hilarious! Try it sometime. You’ll be surprised how many you know…and how ridiculous they are!

This proves I’m getting old. I actually remember most of these! Some clichés are fantastic while others, I asked myself, “Who crafted these things?” My favorite that remains to have no answer is, “All Is Not Lost.” Well I want to know where it is and how I can find it? And why do I find myself saying “To make a long story short” when anyone who knows me, knows that’s virtually impossible for me! And what about “I’m all ears?” What a picture that makes! I don’t believe “Absence makes the heart grow fonder.” I believe I miss the crap out of you and you better visit or I’m going to be pissed! I get the “Beggars can’t be choosers” but some of the beggars I’ve seen have become strategic in where they choose to beg, so maybe they can! “All’s fair in love and war?” This person totally missed it! I do enjoy using “All others pale by comparison” because that’s pretty damn special! And I can attest that in some cases “Two head are NOT better than one!” I’m sure you can also! Obviously the person who came up with “There are plenty of other fish in the sea” enjoyed the art of fishing. “You can lead a horse to water but you can’t make him drink…” I’ve done this and you don’t have to make him drink…he just will. “What goes around comes around.” Still trying to figure out how to benchmark and measure that one. Have any ideas? “Good things come to those who wait.” Honey…I can promise you, if you don’t ask for what you want, you won’t get good things! LOL!  ”Easy as pie.” I don’t make pie because it’s really not that easy. Brownies, yes! “Work like a dog?” My dog always laid around and slept. And “Don’t look a gift horse in the mouth?” This one I can’t even touch…or “Gave it the old college try.”  But I will touch “You can only milk a dead cow once.” That’s really interesting! Or “A hair on the head is worth six on the back.” I would like to think more on the head would be better for most! “I’m not just blowing smoking up your ass.” If you know me…you know that’s not even a thought, I’m brutally honest! And finally, “At the end of the day,” I’m always looking for some comic relief. I hope I provided some for you. I know the next time you find yourself saying a cliché or hearing one…you’ll crack a grin!

Thanks again for visiting! I’m so glad you did! You can subscribe to be notified when I blog below by clicking, follow me on Twitter @GatorgirlPress or Twitter @Diningduchess, follow me on Facebook @RandiAileenPress or Facebook@DiningDuchess. Or if you’d like to write me directly, my email is randi@52TO50.com.

 

 

 

 

 

Do Do Do…Roll With The Changes…Keep On Rollin…

My 2007 V8 Toyota Sequoia. She's a war/work horse

My 2007 V8 Toyota Sequoia. She’s a war/work horse

Hey! Welcome to 52 weeks until I’m 50 years old! Actually it’s now 50 weeks! If you are a newbie…scroll down to my original post and you will understand why I began this blog…If you are back for more…Yay! And thank you for coming along for the ride!

Above is an image of my second Toyota Sequoia Limited truck. She’s been my ride since September 2007. Her predecessor was a silver Sequoia SR5 and I had her for 4 years before her lease was up. I own this one and she’s totally decked out. Everything you can possibly need, she has. I call her “Swamp Thing.” Why am I sharing this with you? Last week friends had to put their animal down. My heart hurt for them. I’ve been there. You may have had that experience as well. So how does that connect to my Swamp Thing? She’s my war-horse. My work horse. She’s big, strong, fast and wears her mileage really freaking well! I love her chassis. I think she’s a rare beauty. She’s immaculate inside but has a few minor bumps and bruises on the outside that tell her story. She turned 100,000 miles in Atlanta traffic last August on my way up to hike Rainbow Falls in Sapphire Valley, NC. Yup. First time I’ve ever had any car or truck that long. She’s really something. We have a relationship. I know her curb weight, she knows mine. I know her torque, tow capacity, what makes her purr and how much she can take. She knows me as intimately.

My Swamp Thing has driven me in the heat to Gainesville to meet my Gator girlfriends with treats packed carefully, never breaking a precious bottle. She has safely carried me to Myrtle Beach in the middle of the night to meet the same friends and witnessed what I swear was a flying wild boar! OK…I was 11 hours into a drive and it was 5 am but we both believe that to be true! She has made countless trips up I-95 to Savannah, GA to carry special honey that I purchase every year from the Savannah Bee Company. She has carefully maneuvered the western part of the North Carolina mountain range and enjoyed eyeing the Chattooga’s whitewater rapids while I paddled ferociously past the Deliverance portion…(play your banjo here!). I’ve packed her full and pulled a lot of things behind me. She never waivers. And, I drive her like she’s a race horse. She is well-known by many as she passes by with her sports flags and magnets. She has entertained me so and has tolerated my years of playing loud rock music and singing like I’m in concert. Like an animal, she greets me everyday the same way, is always ready to roll with the changes and never asks for much.

I am praying that she will carry me all the way from 52 to 50 and be part of my life going forward. I don’t know what I will do if I have to put her down. And, I know I will not get another to replace her. It’s not possible. We have history. She is one of a kind. She’s at 108,000 miles to date. Each time someone asks me, “What truck is next for you?” I have no answer. I can’t even imagine. She completes me. You get me?  There’s only one other truck that has ever caught my eye as candy. It’s a cousin of hers. The Tundra. “This truck means business.” Yeh, same chassis. Same crazy performance. Same ferocious ability. I just may put my Stetson on and go for a ride in a jacked-up red one with a long bed. Not a replacement…but a new kind of animal.

Thanks again for visiting! I’m so glad you did! You can subscribe to be notified when I blog below by clicking, follow me on Twitter @GatorgirlPress or Twitter @Diningduchess, follow me on Facebook @RandiAileenPress or Facebook@DiningDuchess. Or if you’d like to write me directly, my email is randi@52TO50.com.

 

52TO50…”I Laughed So Hard I…”

Hey! Welcome to 52 weeks until I’m 50 years old! Actually it’s now 51 weeks! If you are a newbie…scroll down to my original post and you will understand why I began this blog…If you are back for more…Yay! And Thank you!
This week’s blog is named “I Laughed So Hard I…” because it’s true! Do you ever laugh really hard with friends or alone? I laugh a lot. I tend to be my best audience. And I laugh hard. You know…when something is so ridiculous that you start to giggle and then it becomes larger…much larger. There’s a point when the laugh has no sound coming out. Your hands are smacking your thighs. Your body is moving back and forth in your chair.Tears are starting to fill your eyes and you are trying to make some sound but there’s nothing yet filling the air! And then it comes out! A snorting obnoxious sound that once it’s in the air, starts to make you laugh even harder! Now you are coughing and snorting! And voila! The whole thing begins over again! And of course, all the while we are crossing our legs, bending over, shifting in our seats, praying (I know you’ve been there)! Hoping we don’t wet our pants during all this laughter!
Yes, 51 to 50 is losing control of many things but my bladder…really? This early? I remember learning about the bladder in anatomy class at Florida. When empty, the bladder is about the size and shape of a pear. Yeh, no wonder! I can fill that fruit-sized baby quick. I’m not sure when I started losing control of my bladder. It’s another one of those things you start to realize you have no control of! But, I have given some serious thought on how I could deal with this. I considered the concept of coming up with a Depends Thong. Could help we early leakers because there’s no way I’m putting on a regular pair any time soon! I imagine the Depends Thong wouldn’t be sold at any Vickie’s Secret store.I would have to create my own store called Randi’s Drawers!
I’ve come to learn that this lack of bladder control is absurdly normal. Yup. Both sexes are doomed to need disposables at some point. So, consider purchasing stock in those companies. Might be a good long ride. People are living and laughing a lot longer!
Oh…and by the way, if you want to try to stop wetting your pants…which I am sure won’t work for me as I don’t plan on following any of the bullets. I live on the edge! Here are some things that may help you:
  • Don’t cough or laugh (I made this up because I needed a laugh!)
  • Go to the bathroom regularly. Consider urinating on a regular schedule, such as every hour. Slowly, extend the amount of time between your bathroom trips.(Are they for real? Like we have the time for this!)
  • Maintain a healthy weight. (I get this but I’m a food writer…I like to eat!)
  • Don’t smoke.  (Not preaching here…do whatever you want…We need a few vices at almost 50!)
  • Do Kegel exercises. (OK…I may try this one…if I can remember …and I hope I don’t get caught!)

Thanks again for visiting! I’m so glad you did! You can subscribe to be notified when I blog below by clicking, follow me on Twitter @GatorgirlPress or @diningduchess, follow me on Facebook @RandiAileenPress or if you’d like to write me directly, my email is randi@52TO50.com.