Hey! Welcome to 52 weeks until I’m 50 years old! Actually it’s now 39 weeks until I’m 50! If you are new to my blog, to the right are other subjects I’ve written. Some may resonate with you or at least give you a chuckle. If you are counting down with me,so glad you are still with me!
Remember how you felt in your 20′s? School, work, maybe married and looking for a first home? You cared about what people thought and felt about you. Then 30 arrived. Maybe a kid or two and less time for yourself. More time trying to meet the needs of others. Lots of people telling you how to raise the rugrats. Opinions everywhere around you while you carefully maneuvered through a sea of weddings, birthday parties and other events that were exhausting. You dreamed about sleep with no interruptions just for an hour. I was running around so much between work, kids and life events that I can barely remember much of my 30′s. I actually feel OK about that. I found a slight relief in caring a bit less about how others judged me. And then my 40′s arrived. a kaleidoscope of memories. Bright moments, vivid experiences and a keen realization that this is the best it will ever be. This very moment. Now. I find myself motivated by “f” words. Fierce and fearless. What do I mean? I feel like I have this big voice inside me reminding me to be “fearless about experiences I want to have, the people I want to have them with and blatant honesty to tell them I’m scared shitless but doing it anyway. I want to be fierce and love my family, friends and the life I lead in a big way. Being fierce is an emotion or action that shows a heartfelt and powerful intensity. I dig intensity. A close friend once told me that I have a calm intensity about me. I have grown to like that observation. I make agreements with myself about how intense I can be. One specifically is that I will not just pass through this life. My Mom and Dad always say to me that I burn the candle at both ends and that I should slow down. I simply say back, “I’ll have plenty of time to relax and rest when I’m dead. My life is not a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in a pretty and well-preserved body, but rather to skid or slam in broadside, thoroughly used up, totally worn out, and loudly screaming and laughing — WOO HOO– What a Ride!”
I read an article this week about The Art of Fearlessness. The lifelong battle most of us have dealing with empowerment versus insecurity, calm versus anxiety, positive versus negative and the judgments others continually make about us. Like the writer, I used to think therapy might help me solve some things. But now, instead, I work from the inside out. I find power in my outlook towards the world using my own tools. I follow my instincts. I follow my gut feelings. Most of all, I am still willing to admit that I am a work in progress. That’s a forever thing. What reminds me that I can be “fierce and fearless” with 39 weeks left until I’m 50? When I was working for the Hazelden Foundation, I read many books and poems. I stumbled upon something I have kept with me since 1995. It reminds me of exactly how to be “fierce and fearless.” The poem focuses on integrity and honesty to oneself. I share it hoping that you may feel the same way about it as I do. The male version is here for you also, http://www.theguyintheglass.com/gig.htm
“When you get what you want in your struggle for self, and the world makes you queen for a day, just go to a mirror and look at yourself, and see what that Gal has to say. For it isn’t your husband or family or friend – whose judgement upon you must pass. The gal whose verdict counts most in your life is the one staring back from the glass. Some people may think you a straight shooting chum and call you a person of place, but the Gal in the glass says you’re only a bum if you can’t look her straight in the face. She’s the one to please – never mind all the rest, for she’s with you clear up to the end. Any you’ve passed your most dangerous, difficult test, if the Gal in the glass is YOUR FRIEND.You can fool the whole world down the pathway of years, and get pats on your back as you pass, but your final reward – will be heartaches and tears, if you’ve cheated THE GAL in the GLASS…….”
Thanks for visiting and I hope you had a chuckle. You can subscribe to be notified when I blog below by signing up, follow me on Twitter @GatorgirlPress or Twitter @Diningduchess, follow me on Facebook @RandiAileenPress or Facebook@DiningDuchess. Or if you’d like to write me directly, my email is randi@52TO50.com.